| All That And For What |
[Apr. 25th, 2006|01:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Blink 182 ( I Miss You ) | ] |
Im sitting here a million tears run off my face im hurting so bad inside i feel so alone i feel like i dont even have friends anymore i thought i was the one person that would not be forgotten out of all the friends i had and now look no one even says two words to me and it seems like the olny thing taht i do is sometimes go to school work and sleep theres noone and nothing left and as far as im concerned im dead in my eyes and everyone eles two i feel like shit like i have nothing and noone to live for i miss how eveything was i really do how i spent all of my time with the boys and all the fun things i did with everyone and now it seems like im hated by everyone idk how i fucked up but maybe i was ment just to be a loner and not have friends idk all i am is a depressed teenager that feels so alone but in the world its safe to say wtf eles is new well maybe years from now shit will change or maybe ill just be dead! i fucked up and now it's already over for me |
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| Here Gos Nothing |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|04:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
hey i guess today is a fun day im just cleaning up cause mom and her bf are gone for the night can you say HOUSE PARTY hell yeah well this is proof taht none of this was my idea and this is all reginas party well im out LATER! |
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| Wow Its Been Forever |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|12:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
What can i say my life has done a mayjor turn and i have finally move on and its ok to me i guess im like always in troubel but aside from taht i found someone to settel down with and i am doing ok now dont get me wrong i miss the old me my old life but fuck it it was ime to get the hell out of thee and make chnages that were for me and not everyone eles and guess what idc who hates me anymore or any of that im so done with taht bullshit im better than all that now and i have learned to just let it go if its not what u want let it go and so far thats worked for me well im going to go shower and go out so LATER! |
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| Drunk What Elese Is New |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|12:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
mmm lets see im jsut sitting here drunk off my ass with my littel sister this is really what i needed u no what im saying idk i feel like oi have feelings for u but what can i say u went and fucked me over and that wzs so fucked up i was there for u and look whast u do but in the end i no who u will come back to so im ok with it mmm idk what eles to say pluse im tired so ttyl Later! |
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| Well What Do We Have Here? |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|04:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
So far everything is good for me friend wise family wise sain wise im all good i also am making something with myself finally like i am getting a job i have a car i have everything going for me but im scared because i no when shit gos good for me all this time something bad always happpends and idk if i can deal with any more loses besides the fact that everytime bad comes its always gets worst o well latly io have been spendiong time at my cusines house because i hang down the street alot and i have so much fun i mean you can never get bord with how many people are in and out at that house but hey its kool i liek it well i g2g get ready to go there now so LATER! |
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| The Cold Nights |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|11:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
Today sucked it wasent intresting at all i just relized how much i hate guys and how they are fucking faggs and i also relised that i miss the way shit was so long ago i liked art alot nicole was my bestfriend me and regina were so close and shit was so good for me dont get me wrong some shit is better now for me but wtf i was younger i had nothing to really worry about my mom dident expect much from me my friends dident expect so much from me now i have changed for the better and the worst i no when you grow and get older and start a nw year you gain and lose friends and other things but i never tjhought it would be me i thought i would saty the same old sweet and innacent me but im not that girl and ill never be her ever agian and its said but at the smae time its not can you tell im confused!
I took a walk today all by myself because i figured i could use some time alone it was cold and i couldent stop thinking about it the big thing the big secret that no one is can ever find out not even the ppl closest to me and you know what this can never slip because if it did then i know people would same You Don't Deserve To Be Here beacuse its such ashame but not even dave nos this one it kills me but i have to keep my mouth shut! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|01:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
mmmmm this day and yesterday was fun i have KINDA calmed down on my drinking and i got to chill with so many of my friends like first art and then my cusin and all his boys it was good shit i dident go to school today because it was a half day and i no i should have went but i couldent bring myself to go as lame as taht sounds i really am trying to get all my shit straight with getting a job trying to get my permite and save money to get a car that will take me a while but its worth a try and once i get all this shit straight i might MIGHT try to find me a decent guy to start talking to but idk how far that will go!
Regrets:
First of all i feel really bad that i stiffed my grandmother on her birthday to go chill and that i havent been satying or seeing my mom in like 2 month no lie or that i havent been around my other grandmother and i no both my grandmothers are on there way and all i keep thinking is how i wanna chill w/ my friends taht is so selfish of me and i no i need to change that so i am going to try and fix that well im tired im out Later! |
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| I Can't Play This Game Anymore |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|02:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
I can't do this anymore this is really killing me inside all this denial i cry everynight just thinking when will you clear you head and see that im hear and the thing that stops me is that you NEVER will see that im there and taht i mean nothing to you im just another girl yeah that hurts me yeah i think about it all the time but for some reason i can't get your full attention why what am i doing wrong why can't you see me for you and then i see why because im not all that pretty im not all taht smart im not all that you want and ill never be and it hurts me to no ill never be with you I feel so low i feel so dumb so blind so innacent to your behavior so lost in your eyes so gone in your touch so relaxed in your presents and then this day today all that went away when i found out taht you found her the one for you and shes not me now im depressed sitting here every moment waiting for you to come get me but my heart nos ill never see taht day befor i die so if you ever do want to give me a try i am always here wiating for the day to come! |
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| Right |
[Dec. 3rd, 2005|04:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
mmmmm im just sitting here with a few of my friends and wea re not really doing anything right now but we will have fun later!
Yesterday was cool hanging with the boys playing games and chilling ou you kow sometimes its just good to spend time with the peaople taht matter most to you and thats what i made his hole weekend about and taht why i think im in such a good mood this weekend and thats what i love taht if i mad or something my friends no how to make me really happy this si good shit to me well im aout to go to the store so Later! |
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| Never Comming Home |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|08:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
mmmmm lets see i am just sitting here listing to music wondering what a certine someone is doing at this time of night and wondering what the fuck im doing awake lol i am trying to think of something intresting i did these past few days witch wasent much besides apply for alot of jobs and try and get my shit togeather in school but i can't focus really i have something eles on my mind that sits there day in and day out and i really really can't shake it off its dragging me down in so many ways but idc aslong as i can still think about it then im good sounds dumb right but if u were me u would be the same way
Oh i know i learned a huge lesson this week about how i am so selfish see shit like this blinds me but omfg i feel so bad because were i am right now i dont deserve to be and i have my parents to thank for that but the way i am towards my family after all the shit they do they should just tell me to fuck myself beacuse of the way i act and i see taht im trying to change it and now look my sisters just following all the shit i did i mean why doesnt she learn off me shes so dumb but who am i im the same way i have to do it myself to learn from it even if i no its wrong i am a very stubern person this i relize this i will try to fix!
I started the book " Go Ask Alice " it's good i guess but it seems like some shit i would do so i have to laught well im reading it but its not really funny like ok i no i dont smoke weed and i do drink once in a while but i think i would be willing to try acid idk tho im weird about all taht shit it will depend on my mood but if i did try it i would olny do it once because tahts how i am i will use but not abuse the drug you know Oh dam its late and i gotta shave my legs lol so Later! |
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